


Sisters

by imaginarygirl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Family, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22226077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginarygirl/pseuds/imaginarygirl
Summary: Baby Robyn's blanket brings up some heartbreaking memories for Regina and Zelena is there to help her through it. Trigger warning for abuse, PTSD, panic attacks.
Kudos: 6





	Sisters

Zelena felt like she had been fighting with this hoover for hours by the time her sister walked in. Gone were the days where she could snap her fingers and the house was clean. And, apparently, this monstrous contraption is supposed to be better than a broom. Maybe it would be – if she could get the bloody thing to work! She sighed and slumped down on the couch in frustration.

“Having fun?” Regina teased.

“Why do the people of this realm seem to have such a problem doing things without all these gadgets?” Zelena huffed in response.

“Because they didn’t grow up with the luxury of magic.” Her younger sister retorted. “You’ll get the hang of it. Here” She said, flicking the switch on the wall and easily locating a cleverly disguised button that sent the machine roaring to life. 

“I just hope I figure this all out soon. Robyn needs her mummy to be able to look after her properly, don’t you?” She cooed at the baby in her basket.

“Robyn’s mommy will be able to do all of this in no time with the help of auntie Regina.” Regina tried to reassure her. She turned her attention to her niece to say ‘hello’ to her when she froze, her face turning pale. “Where did you get that blanket?” She asked.

Had Zelena not been focussed on her newfound ability to clean her floors, she’d have seen the colour drain from her sister’s cheeks and become worried. Instead, she simply replied. “Belle found it in Gold’s shop and thought I might like it. She cries whenever she’s without it now.” Zelena found this fact about her daughter endearing in a way only family could. To anyone else her daughter’s attachment to the blanket would probably be annoying but Zelena felt a love for this young girl stronger than anything she’d felt before. For once she was happy and she had chosen to relish in it. 

Regina’s voice brought her back to the moment.

“I… I have to go.” She said, flustered. “I’ve just remembered I need to… I’ll bring dinner. Seven ok?” 

Zelena’s heart dropped a bit. She had planned to spend the day with her sister. For the first time in as long as she could remember there was no evil force trying to ruin the lives they had made for themselves in this quirky little town. It crossed her mind that both her and Regina had once been the evil (or in her case, wicked) people causing havoc. How far they’d come!

“Ok. I’ll see you then.” Zelena replied and her sister all but bolted for the exit. “Well that was weird.” She said to Robyn as she picked the infant up, making sure to grab her new favourite blanket in the process.

Once she was outside of Zelena’s house, Regina transported herself back home. She was making a conscious effort to use as little magic as possible around her sister to try and make the transition easier. The last thing she needed was for her envy to get the better of her again. It crossed Regina’s mind that this must be how the Charming’s felt about her since she’d changed. You can do everything to prove yourself but there’s always something at the back of your mind wondering if people can ever really change. But Regina had changed; she knew her heart better than anyone. If she wanted people to cut her a bit of slack maybe she should do the same for her sister? 

Meanwhile, back in the house, Zelena had the niggling feeling that something was wrong. Of course, the running away was a pretty big clue. But what triggered it? Regina had been fine until… the blanket! She had asked about Robyn’s blanket! But why would that upset her?

_Zelena looked on at the scene unfolding in front of her, unable to watch but also unable to tear her eyes away._

_She had been keeping tabs on her sister since she knew she existed, and on her mother even before that. It wasn’t something she did all the time but she liked to know what was going on in her life._

_The girl must’ve been about seventeen – approaching adulthood and definitely old enough to be married off in her mother’s eyes. But at this moment only her height and feminine figure could distinguish her from a young child. She was curled up in the corner clutching to a blanket for dear life. She was crying. Real and proper sobs that wracked her body, her small frame heaving with such power as to make any onlooker concerned about what had happened to the young girl._

_Another figure walked in. A woman. Older. She held herself in such a way one might assume she was royal, or at least she held some position of power in the land._

_The girl’s sobs must have masked the sound of the woman walking as she seemed surprised to see her when she looked up. The surprise lasted all of half a second before the young girl stopped herself from crying. Her expression turned to one of hate mixed with fear. She had shown weakness. This wouldn’t end well._

_‘But how could I not?’ The girl wanted to scream. ‘You killed him! Right there in front of me! And now you expect me not to cry?’_

_But she didn’t._

_She stayed silent. She had learnt the hard way not to shout at her mother._

What happened next was too horrible for Zelena to re-live, especially since being given the chance to really get to know her sister. At the time she had watched the scene unfold further. It had been as if she could not look away as much as she despaired at the scene before her eyes. This may have been the first moment she had let herself believe she could have been better off growing up without her mother in her life.

Where had that memory come from? Sure, she had spied on Regina more than once back in the Enchanted Forest but she definitely did not remember this time. Zelena was hit by a sudden wave of nausea as the truth of her younger sister’s upbringing came to light. She ran to the bathroom and knelt over the toilet, feeling worse as more memories came flooding back to her until she could no longer take it and started to throw up into the toilet bowl.

Shaking, Zelena sat back, curled on the floor of her bathroom mirroring the image of Regina from her memory. While the witch had always prided herself in being strong, nothing could stop the floods of tears from falling now.

She had no idea how long she had been sat there when she heard Robyn start to cry from the next room. Zelena splashed her face with cold water and went to tend to her daughter. As she picked up the infant and rocked her back and forth in her arms, she was struck by how much she loved her. A new rush of disbelief flooded her mind as she struggled to conceive how anyone could hurt their own child. She would die if anything bad happened to Robyn. How could anyone stand the heartbreak? Let alone be the one to cause it over and over again?

Robyn began to settle in her mother’s arms and Zelena was able to lay the baby gently back down in her basket. She looked at the time to check when she was due her next feed and it dawned on Zelena that Regina would be back with dinner in less than an hour. How was she going to face her given what she’s just discovered? Did she tell her? Or just carry on as if nothing had happened? And what about Robyn’s blanket? She loved it but if it was bringing back bad memories for Regina would she have to pry it away from her daughter? What would Regina think if she came back and saw the blanket was gone?

A knock at the door brought her out of her spiralling, for better or for worse. Zelena picked up the blanket, taking advantage of the young girl being fast asleep, and threw it in the closet on her way to the door. She was surprised to see Snow White standing on her front porch. 

“I found some of Neal’s old things and thought I’d bring them over.” Snow smiled, handing a box to Zelena. “There’s some clothes in there that she’ll soon fit in to and a few other bits. They grow up so fast.” She gushed.

“Thank you.” Zelena replied. “I’d invite you to come in and see her but I’ve just got her to sleep.”

Snow took a step back, sensing the tension Zelena felt and not wanting to impose any more than she had done. “That’s ok, I’ll see you soon.”

“Actually…” Zelena started. “Could I ask you something?”

Snow smiled. “Of course.” 

“What do you remember about my mother when you were growing up?”

Snow looked down, guilt that she’d worked so hard to bury starting to come back to the surface. She knew that Zelena knew she’d killed Cora, but the pair had never really spoken about it. 

“Maybe we should go inside?” Snow suggested and Zelena led her through to the kitchen so as not to disturb the sleeping infant in the next room. Sighing, Snow started to try and answer Zelena’s questions as best she could. “Cora was a good actor.” She started. “That’s probably the best way I have to describe her. She was charming and caring to my father and I but it was just that; an act. I don’t know what happened between her and Regina behind closed doors but there must have been a reason their relationship was so strained.”

“Did you ever see them together? Did they argue or…?” Zelena trailed off.

“I caught them shouting a few times, I remember Cora would put her down a lot. Regina couldn’t do right in her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to.” Something was niggling in Snow’s mind at how Zelena had ended her question. “You asked if they argued or… or what?”

Zelena knew she couldn’t answer that. She couldn’t betray Regina in that way. After everything they’d come through together, the last thing she wanted to do was jeopardise their relationship now. Zelena had always wanted what she thought Regina had: a loving family. Now they both really had one. It was too important to lose.

“Nothing, dear. You know what, Regina’s coming in a minute I should set the table for dinner. Thank you for the clothes for Robyn. I’ll see you out.” She said, standing up and leaving no room for Snow to argue as she showed her to the door. 

Snow was taken aback slightly by the change in Zelena’s manner, but knew better than to question it. She remembered the strain and emotional turmoil that came with being a new mother and chose to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

“I’ll see you soon then.” She smiled as she waved goodbye.

“Yes, yes, see you soon.” Zelena agreed. The door slammed shut as if she couldn’t close it quick enough, making a bang loud enough that it woke Robyn from her nap. “Bloody hell!” She sighed as she went to try and soothe her crying daughter. 

On the other side of town, Regina was sat in her bedroom trying to find the courage to face the world again. While the memories of how Cora had treated her were always there, she had become well practiced at pushing them down. In fact, she pushed them so far down that they seldom bothered her as much as they once had done. Had she seen a doctor or healer of some sorts in back in the Enchanted Forest, they might have labelled her as ‘weak minded’ or ‘melancholy’. Often, she would find herself overwhelmed by fear and struggling to breathe. She felt as if she was going to die and her heart was beating fast enough that she worried it would force itself right through her ribs and outside her chest. Over time she managed to control herself better, she knew these episodes made her weak and wouldn’t let anyone see that side of her. Sometimes she still found herself needing to hide away and just let the episode happen, but she got so used to pushing her feelings down that they eventually stopped altogether, now nothing but a distant memory.

And this had worked well for Regina, very well in fact. That was, until she saw her old childhood blanket and the fear came rushing back. It took everything in Regina’s power to transport herself home just in time for the fear to hit her again. A wave of panic washed over her as she crouched into a ball on her bed and tried her hardest to calm herself down to no avail. The more she tried to control her laboured breathing the more she found it controlling her. Curled up tight, she tensed her body so much that her nails dug into the palms of her hands. Regina knew there was nothing she could do now but wait for the fear to pass.

Eventually, Regina found herself starting to calm down. Still shaken, she tried to force her body to the shower to cool off. She was unsteady on her feet but, with the help of the small ounce of strength she still had in her she was able to reach her bathroom, barely standing. Regina turned on the shower and stripped off her clothes. Stepping under the water, she relished the feeling of it washing away her sweat and tried to imagine that it was washing away her fear with it. Of course, she knew it wasn’t that simple. The fear tried to come back again in the shower but this time she was prepared for it. Regina took a few deep breaths in and slowly exhaled, reminding herself that’s he was safe. Cora was dead. She could no longer hurt her.

Regina stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. A glance at the clock told her that she’d spent longer than she had intended in the shower and she was due to be back at Zelena’s any minute. With a puff of purple smoke, she was dressed into some clean clothes, her hair styled and make up applied to perfection. No one would be any the wiser. She stopped by Granny’s on her way to her sister’s house and picked up something for their dinner. It wasn’t long before she arrived to find Zelena trying to soothe a crying Robyn. Zelena gestured her into the front room where Robyn’s basket was, following behind as she rocked the baby in her arms. It didn’t escape Regina’s notice that the young girl’s blanket was nowhere in sight. 

“Where is it?” Regina asked.

Zelena stopped rocking the baby in her shock. Of course she realised it was gone! Still, Zelena hoped she could stall slightly. She was not ready to have this conversation with her sister. 

“Where is what, Regina?”

“Don’t play dumb, where’s the blanket?”

“Oh, that thing? It’s… ummm… in the laundry. Robyn here had a little accident, didn’t you?” She cooed at the baby.

“Come on, Zelena.” Regina replied sharply. “I’m not going to fall for that. I know you’ve hidden it somewhere; I just want to know why.”

_“I know you’ve hidden it, you stupid child! Where did you put it?” Cora screamed._

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Regina pleaded, slowly backing away from her mother who was advancing towards her with such anger in her eyes even the bravest of knights would be scared._

_“That gold was mine from the King. You had no right to take it from me!”_

_“Please, mother I just…”_

_“What could you possibly need that gold for anyway? You’ll soon be living in the palace with all the riches you could ever need.” Regina looked down, half wishing that her mother would just get on with whatever punishment she planned to deal out and stop questioning her. “The only reason you would need to steal gold from me is if you weren’t going to be living here…” Regina knew she was caught. She was backed into a corner with no way out. Taking another step back, she hit the wall behind her. She glanced at the doorway, hoping for some miracle to help her escape. “You were planning on running away, weren’t you?”_

_“Mother, please. Don’t make me marry Leopold. I don’t love him.” Regina begged._

_“You say that as if it matters. True love doesn’t exist, my child. Marriage is just a means to an end. When are you going to learn that this fantasy of a happy ending you have doesn’t exist!”_

_Cora raised her hand to Regina and slapped her clean across the check. Her face was stinging as she choked back her tears. This time her mother would not see her so weak. Cora just smirked as she reminded Regina just how far away from her happy ending she was._

“Zelena!” Regina called out, trying to bring her sister back to the present. Her face had turned white as a sheet and Regina worried where her sister’s mind had taken her.

Zelena took a deep breath and sat down on the couch. There was no more avoiding it, she had to ask Regina about their mother. How could she possibly tell her younger sister that she had witnessed so much of the abuse that Cora had put her through? Should couldn’t imagine how violated Regina would feel. She closed her eyes and sighed, trying to find the courage to start what would be a difficult conversation for the both of them.

“She really did a number on you, didn’t she?”

Regina was taken aback. “Who did?” She asked.

“Our mother.”

Arms folded, guards up. Regina was not giving anything away as she stayed standing in front of Zelena. Inside, however, she was crumbling. What did Zelena know? How did she find out?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said, her eyes darting to the door once more as she hoped for an opportunity to escape from this conversation. It was a reflex; a habit she could not break herself out of. 

“I know what happened, Regina. I saw it all.”

“Nothing happened.” Regina insisted.

Zelena could tell she was getting nowhere.

“Cora used to beat you.”

Regina was thrown. “I…” She started, but couldn’t bring herself to form another word. She lowered her gaze, unable to meet Zelena’s eyes. Zelena tried to extend some form of comfort, tapping the space next to her by way of offering Regina a seat. She had never been the most comfortable with emotional conversations or touching family moments, but she held back her own impulse to run and tried to keep it together for her sister. 

The two women sat in silence for a while. Regina was reluctant to admit what had happened. She had never said it aloud to anyone before. She suspected her father had known but he never had the backbone to stand up to anyone, least of all Cora. Zelena, meanwhile, was trying her hardest not to remember all the horrifying moments that she had witnessed from afar. She felt helpless, a feeling that she was not used to having come into power so naturally and easily. She couldn’t save her sister back then, but she was determined to do all she could to help her now. It wouldn’t be easy, Zelena knew her sister shared her stubborn streak. She also knew that she’d probably have to make the first move.

“I’m sorry.” She said, hoping to break the silence. “I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry I brought it all up again.”

Regina stayed quiet. She couldn’t talk, not just yet. Her mind was racing and she could feel herself starting to panic again. Heart thumping, muscles tensing, breath shortening, palms sweating. Why does this keep happening? _Come on Regina, you know how to control this. You can’t let her see your weakness._

Meanwhile, Zelena watched her sister quietly. Her heart was breaking in her chest as she looked on at the scared woman next to her. She didn’t know if she should try and help or politely pretend not to notice what was happening. She opted for the latter, for now. Let Regina try and manage on her own. She didn’t want to embarrass her any more than she already had. 

_Breathe in… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… breathe out… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10… 11…_

Regina carried on breathing steadily until she felt herself coming out of the attack. She took a moment to gather her thoughts before asking the question weighing heaviest on her mind.

“How did you know?” 

Zelena looked away, unable to look at her sister’s face when she told her the truth. “Back in Oz, I used to check up on you and mother. I watched you learning magic with Rumple and marrying the King. I saw you getting everything I had ever wanted. But I also saw some terrible things… the things Cora did to you. I don’t know how, but I must have pushed them out of my mind somehow. I was so focused on you getting everything and me getting nothing, maybe I just ignored the parts of your life that didn’t fit with that.” She heard Regina scoff at this, but carried on talking nonetheless. “Anyway, I didn’t remember any of it until I saw your reaction to Robyn’s blanket today. Had I known it was your old blanket and what it would remind you of I never would have given it to her, I swear!”

Still, Regina couldn’t bring herself to say anything. The pair sat in agonising silence, the weight of the conversation hanging in the air. It was almost suffocating.

After what seemed like an eternity, Regina finally spoke up and Zelena let out a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding. 

“You knew?” She asked.

“I knew.” Zelena nodded. “A big part of me wishes I didn’t.”

“Then why not make yourself forget again?” She spat. “You’ve done it once before.”

Zelena let out a growl of frustration. “I wish I didn’t know because I wish it didn’t happen, not because I want to hide away from reality!” 

“Because that would be nice and convenient for this little fantasy you’ve created about how great my life was with mother and how much the world has screwed you over!” Regina shouted, standing up and facing Zelena head on.

“Because you’re my sister and I care about you, you idiot!” She screamed back. Robyn began to cry again in her arms at the noise and Zelena lowered her voice to soothe the infant. “There there, my sweet girl, it’s ok. Mummy and auntie Gina are sorry we were so loud. Shhhh…”

Watching on as her sister soothed her child, Regina took a minute to process everything Zelena had been telling her. She had known about Cora’s abuse for years. Her little secret wasn’t so secret after all. Years of hiding the truth had given Regina some distance from what had happened. It was almost as if they were someone else’s memories. It happened to a different version of Regina, not this strong hero that she was now. Someone else knowing about it meant she could no longer hide. It happened. It was real.

Zelena had said she cared about her. How could Regina trust that? Cora had said she’d cared as well, that’s why she did what she did to her. But then Zelena hadn’t stepped in to help. Maybe that’s just what caring meant in her family? Maybe that’s all she was worth?

But Regina had others who cared for her now. Truly, deeply, impossibly cared. She knew what caring felt like, something she had not experienced in her early life and, once she had, something that she was uncomfortable and unfamiliar with for so long. 

As she watched Zelena, she took in the look of pure love she had as she looked into Robyn’s eyes. This is what it was to be cared for, to be loved. Something about the tenderness between mother and daughter melted away a layer of the coldness Regina had surrounding her heart. It was so pure. She allowed herself a small smile as she sat back down next to her sister. Surprised, Zelena looked up at her. Her eyes were filled with the same love as Regina had seen her show Robyn. Tears formed in her eyes as she realised that maybe, just maybe, she finally had a family who loved her. 

“She tried to tell me that she wanted what was best for me.” Regina started. “I don’t know, maybe in her mind that was true…” She trailed off. This was going to be hard.

Zelena shifted Robyn in her lap and gently took her sister’s hand, shuffling to face her. “What she did… that’s never what’s best for a person.”

“I know that… now. Maybe I even knew that then. I tried so hard to see the good in her. I believed in her until it was impossible to see what she did as any form of caring. Once that last flicker of light went out, I stopped seeing the good in anyone. Everyone was out to get me.”

“I know how that feels.” Zelena admitted. “It was me against this cruel world for so long.”

Perhaps for the first time both sisters felt completely understood. 

“I think I was attached to the idea of having a mother. Cora wasn’t a mother, she just gave birth to us. You didn’t grow up with a mum either.” Zelena said.

“Is it any wonder we turned out evil?” Regina asked, a dry cynicism lacing her voice.

“Excuse me, I think you’ll find I was wicked!” Zelena remarked. It was as if the tension in the room lifted slightly, and both women let out a small laugh. “I really am sorry; I should have done something.” She admitted.

“We can’t change the past.”

“We can try!” Zelena joked. 

Regina smiled slightly. “I think we both learnt our lesson from the last time you tried that. All we can do now is try and learn to live with what happened, and make sure my favourite niece never doubts how much her family loves her.” She cooed at the young girl, who her out a small giggle. Regina knew it would be a long journey for both of them. The demons in their closets would not leave willingly. But this time, Regina vowed, would be different. She would not push her feelings and memories down. Maybe it had worked before, but what had it turned her in to? This time, she’d face up to her past and overcome it. She figured she owed Snow another quarter, as she realised what this feeling was. Hope. Regina, once the Evil Queen, had hope.


End file.
